Urban Language.

While most of us have occasionally dipped into UrbanDictionary.com and found ourselves some classic terms that describe nearly everything, Some of these terms are beyond the normal scope of the world while some are just convenient rearrangements.

Still, they contain merit. And for that very reason I'm going to paste a few of my favourite to know (if not say) in the post. So, In alphabetical order:

America: A country that claims the name of an entire continent to itself alone for no compelling reason.

Awkward Turtle: When you're in an awkward moment, place your hands on top of each other, and spin your thumbs forward. Thus creating the creature know as awkward turtle.

Beer Summit: The meeting of President Obama and any parties for which an injustice has occurred. This meeting must take place in the White House and be broadcast throughout the media.

Dudevorce: When two male best friends officially end their friendship over a lame disagreement, usually concerning a girl.

Facebook Alzheimer's: When you get a friend's request from someone that you have no idea where you know them from. The worst part is you have mutual friends from work and school! You post messages on each other's wall and they never know you have no clue as to how you know them.

Facebrag: To use Facebook as a platform to brag. Normally about a job, internship, trip, purchase or anything else that nobody really needs to know but you'd like to tell everyone because you're awesome.

Hiking in Appalachia: To have an extramarital affair. Stems from the disappearance and subsequent reappearance of South Carolina Governor, Mark Sanford(R). Gov. Sanford was thought to be hiking in Appalachia. In actuality, he was having an affair in the South American country of Argentina. (this one made me laugh for a while)

Parking Karma: The uncanny ability to find an open parking space in a desirable location of a busy parking lot.

Problem Saturation: A process by which Mainstream Media addresses an issue incessantly, building up to a sense of pending doom. Of course, the problem, while worrisome, does not pose the grave threat they would like you to believe. Finally, MSM abandons coverage of the problem completely, moving on to another problem.

Running Latte: showing up late to work because you stopped for coffee along the way.

Sarah Palin Effect: The principal that expertise on a certain subject can be gained through geographical proximity to it, i.e. Palin's knowledge on foreign affairs with Russia on account of Alaska being geographically close.

Weenis: The loose skin on your elbow.

Writer's Crap: Derived from 'writer's cramp', writer's crap refers to a stage when one is only capable of writing utter crap. (I think I'm suffering from this now)

Zinedine Zidane: The only thing Brazil is afraid of.

Opposites.

Opposites attract. I find that to be the most inane drivel ever spoken by a human being. Why? Apart from the romantic notions and blithering ideals of love, opposites create unnecessary friction, and ultimately some form of spousal abuse.

Naysayers might go on as to quote many an example to me but it doesn't make sense to me. I was recently talking to C and realised how much we had in common. Like a near telepathic link to what the other was thinking.

This, of course, stems not from some supernatural force but more a common understanding. The romanticised notion that is "opposites attract" is just a bit flawed.

It may be the case that you are attracted to someone who is your opposite in most terms. Your attraction would almost be based on a subconscious form of envy, i.e. you see a quality they have that you like. It's rather simple. It's got appeal because by being with said opposite you somehow feed off that facet of their personality. It gets boring after a while.

Yes, shoot me. I said boring. I will not go into analogies or fall into becoming a twisted agony aunt on relationships. The point is that the term "opposites attract" is a dangerous concept - it's too absolute in its form.

Social science and "the mystery method", in my opinion, are two really deluded forms of human endeavours. While I will give Social Sciences a higher credo, because it is not focused on this aspect of human courting and has to do with a wider scale of human social interaction, The mystery method is a simply mind bending mish mash of survival of the fittest and nascent psychology which caters to a hollow, mentally bankrupt society.

It assumes that a woman is passive and the man must initiate contact as well as the ultimate aim of all human relationships is to procreate. I see the ones amongst you who like disagreeing with things thinking "oh? yes, but isn't it?" It's not. Anyone who simplifies it to that is just looking for it.

But get a load of this. Adam Lyons, a 'dating' coach, has simplified the human courtship process into a simple, easy to understand formula.

(Comfort - Rapport) + Qualification + Sexual Escalation = Attraction.

The thing is that both of these endeavours to understand human courtship fail because there are too many bits and factors that are unpredictable. It's nigh impossible to measure it or confine it within methods and theories.

While I am no purveyor of the truth, I do understand that people are more inclined towards similarities as well as complementary differences. Opposites can only do one thing - be wildly attracted to each other and then crash into themselves.

Please, leave this thing alone to remain a mystery.

After all, as said Oscar Wilde:

"The mystery of love is greater than the mystery of death."

A moment of clarity

Everybody in this world has these moments of clarity when all the tumblers fall into place and we unlock an answer so accurate, it's weight hits us with the force of the sky falling on our heads.

I first recognized the moment of clarity when I read the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. The starting of one of the books had this paragraph.

"And then, one Thursday, nearly two thousand years after one man had been nailed to a tree for saying how great it would be to be nice to people for a change, one girl sitting on her own in a small cafe in Rickmansworth suddenly realized what it was that had been going wrong all this time, and she finally knew how the world could be made a good and happy place. This time it was right, it would work, and no one would have to get nailed to anything.

Sadly, however, before she could get to a phone to tell anyone about it, a terribly stupid catastrophe occurred, and the idea was lost forever."

It was this paragraph that got me thinking - Don't we all have that kind of feeling once in a while? An epiphany, a disclosure or an revelation that sudden creates a sudden expansion of all mental functions.

Many people say that they've never had this sort of thing. Truth is they have experienced it but cannot identify it. It's treated with a glove of jovial contempt in general, denied as being 'too poetic' or 'useless', but these moments are what makes life worth living.

Its funny but I find myself addicted to these moments of clarity. Funny because you cannot predict them or have them on command. Yet watching a good movie, reading a good book or just listening to music can sometimes give me a clear thought.

Hitchhiker's was one thing that did that for me repeatedly. As were the works of the late Spike Milligan. I've even had one playing Street Fighter. I wont list them but they were hilarious or revealing in their own right.

I've had moments of clarity about people. Whether it be by talking to them or interpreted through their actions. The thing is you should never discount such a moment because invariably it releases you to a sense of wondrous disbelief - "Why didn't I think of that before?"

So the next time you have something like that, savour it. These moments are few and far between. To end, I will illustrate this with a popular Zen saying.

"When you are deluded and full of doubt, even a thousand books of scripture are not enough. When you have realized understanding, even one word is too much."